Well, it’s time to once again elaborate on crazy ideas. Diligent and faithful readers of my blog will remember my venture into the world of extreme sports a few months back. It was then that I made the decision that running as a form of exercise was totally unsuitable for me. Things have changed a bit since then.
First of all, I quit smoking. Which wasn’t that hard really (Allan Carr, you’re such a lucky bastard that so many people are susceptible to your ways. Ah, if only they knew that they don’t need to be subjected to your awful writings in order to quit the habit. But I’m digressing). Second, I didn’t stop gaining weight. For the brainiacs among you (well, you’re reading my site, so you quite probably all are), a certain pattern will have emerged. Yes, exactly, quitting the cancer sticks and gaining weight are two things inextricably linked. And that’s where the crazy idea comes back into play.
You see, quitting the smoke has given me back the ability to actually use all of my lungs, apart from only about 1/10th before. Meaning that while my last dip into the running lifestyle lasted an exact 10 minutes – due to an impending lung failure – this time it will last ten times longer. Brainiacs, do the math!
Now, why am I telling you this? Shouldn’t I be instead already running along the Danube canal, enjoying my newfound life of health and overall joy? Well, yeah. The problem is that I didn’t actually have clothing suitable for this kind of weather. But I was also too cheap to buy it in a professional sports store, resorting to a bargain shop online. And after almost two weeks, the stuff still hasn’t arrived yet. Meaning that I’m sitting on my running shoes here, but am unable to use them, simply because I don’t have any pants to wear with them.
For once in your miserable existence, Austrian Mail Service, do the right thing and hurry the fuck up. I’m already down to one pair of pants that still fit, and I really can’t afford to lose that one too.
Update: The clothing arrived today at 8am. I’m already back from my first half hour of pain. Well, actually it was about 20 minutes. Including panting stops. The above equation didn’t really work out, but I can see potential there. If you would now excuse me please, I need to rest for a while.