It’s well into the third day of my life as a non-smoker.
I’ve found out that my love for smoking is based on some rather solid reasoning. Here goes:
- Nicotine is an upper. In the morning, I need nicotine as much as I need coffee. I noticed the first day and yesterday as well, that not even my usual15 cups of coffee were able to completely wake me up.
- Nicotine is a downer. The day before yesterday and yesterday, I was unable to sleep the way I usually do. I even went to bed really late, so I’d be asleep within a minute or two. Well, didn’t work out. And I’d like to stress that I’m almost always able to fall asleep instantly. Very rarely does it take me longer than your standard 7 minutes, and it’s almost completely out of the question that I would roll around in bed or, god forbid, count those proverbial sheep.
- Cigarettes give me something to do when there’s time I desperately need to kill. Another ten minutes left before I can leave work? Smoke a cigarette!
- Almost all my memories of fondness are attached to smoking a cigarette. Not because my only fond memories are of smoking, but rather because I usually smoke all the time. Sure, one could argue that due to me smoking all the time, all my memories of bad things are attached to cigarettes as well. In that case I would simply call you a wise-ass and quit talking to you.
- Smoking is an easy way of dividing up your time. Say you’ve got half an hour. In smoker’s terms, that would be about two. Now, without smokes, how am I going to know how much time has elapsed? Apart from checking one of my numerous clocks, that is.
- Finally, there are two sorts of people: smokers and non-smokers. I’m a smoker. I’ve always been a smoker, and I had planned on staying a smoker for ages. Unfortunately, my government’s greed and Ireland’s decision to ban smoking from pubs have destroyed my plans. But I’ll always be a smoker at heart. Nobody can take that from me.
In the spirit of this dispiriting update, let me showcase one my Photo Phriday features I created a few years back: Death of a Gauloise.