Rejoice, Christians, for the concept of the infant limbo is expected to be renounced by the Vatican, according to a reputable source from the small Island.
In case you’re not familiar with the limbus infantium, as it was lovingly coined by late medieval clergymen, it’s the notion that unbaptized children, when they die, will be sent to a place neither heaven nor hell. Basically, limbo is like being forced to watch every episode of Baywatch ever produced – and yes, that includes the episodes produced on Hawaii – but with the sound off. By no means hell, but a tad too repetitious to be called heaven.
According to the one and only source for serious Theology, Wikipedia, church superstar Thomas Aquinas described the infant limbo as “an eternal state of natural joy, untempered by any sense of loss at how much greater their joy might have been — a supernatural joy — had they been baptized”. Meaning it’s like watching Baywatch without knowing that, had they had the chance of being splashed with holy water, they could instead be watching The Simpsons.
Now, the good people at the Vatican have decided that it’s unfair for unborn babies to end up watching Baywatch, so they will renounce the concept in the near future.
From the source:
The Catholic Church is concerned about the grief suffered by the parents of stillborn babies, which could be compounded if they believed the souls of their children were to be excluded from heaven.
And it only took them 600 years to realize. Good job.
By the way, there’s another limbo, which will stay in place. This one is reserved for all the people who lived before the advent of Christ, but still led a life of virtue and whatever you need to earn the respect of shuffling men in robes. Tough luck.
UPDATE:* Is it a coincidence that this entry’s ID is 666?
I think not! Here goes my chance to watch The Simpsons.