It all ends up in smoke

I am a smoker. I like smoking. I don’t necessarily like the smell of stale smoke, but that’s something you can work around. Unfortunately, smoking is dangerous. It can cause lung cancer, give you all kinds of pulmonary diseases, and it kills millions of people with invisible laser guns. Okay, not that. But that’s it’s still enough to tax smokers into oblivion. According to Austria Tabak, 75% of the price of a pack of cigarettes go to the state. And now, in order to rehabilitate national health care, another whopping 18 cent are added to every pack. Which obviously is not only a way of getting more money in, but also a way to make some smokers quit. It’s a sensible plan. If people keep smoking as much, the money they give via the taxes is used to treat diseases caused by their smoking. Unless of course they are run over by a truck. But that probably doesn’t happen too often, so let’s just assume they get lung cancer instead. And if they quit smoking, the money they don’t spend on taxes will not be used to treat their diseases. It’s a win-win situation.

To make this kind of rehabilitation more effective, I now propose a 50% taxation on all products containing unreasonable amounts of fat. Fat makes people obese. Being obese poses a considerable threat to your health. I also propose an additional 25% taxation on all alcoholic beverages. Alcohol abuse causes a lot of bad things, one of which is that yes, it poses a threat to your health. So, if you drink too much, you are most definitely going to end up a disease ridden, miserable human being. In order to let public health care treat you, you need to pay more taxes.

In the interest of all the people, not only in Austria, please implement the changes I’ve proposed. They would make everyone a lot healthier. And happier. And better human beings. I swear.