I am in the unfortunate position to receive not more than four channels on TV. Two are national TV, one is a sloppily made private channel and the fourth is a sloppily made private channel, with a focus on Vienna. The private channels are sponsored by ads, national TV is sponsored by ads and the monthly fee virtually anyone in Austria has to pay. You’d think they’d be able to buy interesting stuff to show. But obviously, they can’t. The last monster they have decided to let loose on their unsuspecting viewers is called “Verschollen” (Cast Away), a joint production between Austrian national TV and RTL, known for its costly, high-quality productions. The story is simple: A plane crash somewhere in the south seas, 20 people survive and are stranded on some island. Now, you may think: Hey, that’s not so bad of a concept. And yes, theoretically, although it’s such an old idea, with good actors, a nice setting and a screenplay written by someone else than a ten year old, it could have been worthwhile. But, the production company decided against all that.

For one, the whole goddamn island is inside a studio. You’ve got a whole lot of fake rocks, fake palm-trees, one token spider, one token iguana and the best thing is….there’s no water. It’s a goddamn island, but there’s obviously a green-screen around the whole thing. I mean, if an actor or an actress, and trust me, each and everyone of those does not deserve this title, is seen in front of the sea, you notice a fine, white line between their body and the sea. So what kind of computer are they actually using for CGI? A Pentium I? With 133 Mhz, 32 MB Ram? Oh come one, it’s the 21st century, couldn’t they at least have used something resembling reasonable equipment. But hey, why should they? If I can assemble a crew of soap-style actors, put up a plastic island inside a studio, let the script be written by the producer’s three year old son (and use his computer for the effects) and then even sell it to the various TV-stations , there’s no need to change a thing.