Dear Postman,

Dear Postman, you're a fucking idiot.

you are a fucking idiot. And I don’t say things like that lightly, mind you. But the thing is, you know exactly how those postboxes work, right? At least, that’s what one would expect. When you, the superuser, fill those various postboxes, you do so by removing the whole front. I, lowly user, only have access to my postbox by opening the window given to me. Meaning when you shove packages in there, you’ve got at least two inches more space to do so.

So when I open up my little window, the package you have just barely managed to cram in there will be impossible for me to retrieve. I will have to resort to ripping off the parts of the package I can actually grip, until I’m able to retrieve the innards of the package.

Now, today’s package was actually an order from amazon by my girlfriend. Can you imagine how me ripping apart the package would have spoiled the surprise, had she decided to buy, say, an early birthday gift for me (I know, my birthday’s in August, so yeah, it’s unlikely, but still, it could have happened)? Or what if she’d ordered a book she really wouldn’t have wanted for me to see, like “How to murder your boyfriend, even though he’s the best boyfriend one could imagine” (which, in case you’re about to look it up, seems to be out of print right now, sorry).

In the end, it comes down to this: whenever you put packages in my postbox, keep in mind that when it’s hard for your to get in, it’s impossible for me to get out. Can you please think about that?


Yours truly,