In times like these I probably shouldn’t be so quick as to confess that I’m a fundamentalist. But all things considered, I guess I am. Here’s why:

I’m calling for a complete and utter privatization of sports. No excuses (except maybe bowling..but that’s it). And I’m rather fundamental about it, meaning no public display of professional sports, no sports on TV or in the news (including Internet news-sources of course). If I were a militant fundamentalist, I would let the bombs speak right now. But I’m rather civil, so here’s my explanation why:

There are people who think it’s admirable to spend life torturing your body in order to become the person who can jump into a pit of sand the farthest. I, as you may know, am not one of these people and I feel nothing for these people except contempt and pity. Interestingly though, there are people who admire pit-jumpers and the like, and who spend whole days in front of the TV watching these people do their thing. And once again I would leave it at contempt, but if you are living in a flat which receives two proper TV channels, and you’re living in a country where these channels are owned by the state, and although they show shitloads of commercials, they still collect about 20€ per month from you for the privilege of receiving their channels, and when they then decide to show soccer, tennis, winter-sports, water-ball and all kinds of other stuff on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Saturdays, Sundays, well, then it’s time for me to call for a complete and utter PRIVATIZATION OF SPORTS.

Let these people jump into pits, but let them do it in the privacy of their homes. I’d really be interested to know who’d be willing to turn a perfectly fine body into an obscene accumulation of muscle and absence of body fat if there’d be no people cheering for their sorry excuse of a profession, and if there were no companies who’d pay for their expenses. I wonder if David “The Brain” Beckham would still go to work in Spain if he’d earn as much as the shit he’s doing is actually worth (which, by the way, is nothing)? Suddenly, sports wouldn’t be that great, right? Suddenly, the next time one of those people would sit in the sand, or on the tennis-court or just any place where professional sports people sit, they’d notice that doing something professionally which should have been private from the beginning (and yes, ancient Olympic committee, I’m talking about you….just because you did it in the nude doesn’t mean it was right) was a really, really bad idea.

So the next time YOU watch professional sports on TV, why not turn it off, write an angry letter to the athletes and the TV station and demand a complete and utter privatization of sports (and since you’re at it your money back as well).