Sunday, Arena, Vienna.
Song of the evening: Panzer Attack.
So, Oscar Night is over, and the only really interesting thing about the show was Jack Nicholson’s enormous head.
And once again I was baffled by the selection of songs they had nominated for an Oscar. Now, I didn’t exactly do a whole lot of research apart from watching the show, so I can’t tell you any names (well, a few), but I’ll be glad to describe the performances to you:
# Title song for silly animated movie Cars. An accountant with guitar on a stool, Randy Newman on the piano. Account strums guitar lazily, sings extremely boring song, probably about cars falling asleep or dying of boredom.
# Title song for An Inconvenient Truth. Melissa Etheridge rocks the stage. Or tries to. Strums on her guitar, sings extremely dull song about being aware of stuff, meanwhile long-haired second guitarist parties like it’s 1999.
# Some song from Dreamgirls, performed by Beyonce Knowles (whose voice always somehow resembles the squawking a chicken makes when you throw hand-fulls of clay at it – rumor has it) and that one girl who won an Oscar for being on Teen Idol.
# Again
# Again
After that presentation of superb mediocrity, I do wonder how the Academy decides on those songs. In 2006, 804 movies were released in the US alone (yes, I grudgingly decided on some research, which consisted of googling the words “number”, “movies” and “released”). 600 of these were probably straight-to-video pieces with music written by a monkey and performed with a flute and a Hammond Organ by the director’s ailing grandmother, but that still leaves a whole lot of movies which I’m terribly sure have a combined number of at least 50 songs better than what they presented at the Oscars.
So here’ my question: What the fuck is up?
Only recently I was made aware of (meaning, I turned on the TV and saw) a TV cartoon show called “Little Amadeus”. I was hooked the moment I heard the theme song, which basically was a song about little Mozart having all sorts of fun being little and a genius. Go figure.
While watching the show, I wondered if maybe it wasn’t possible to create shows of other composers as well. What about “Little Ludwig van”, a cartoon about little Ludwig van Beethoven, who, unfortunately, doesn’t lead the happy life as a youngster, mainly because his father is a rather harsh alcoholic who tends to wake up his prodigal son after coming home from the tavern so he could entertain his boozer buddies with his genius. And, since the show should appeal to the “Little Amadeus” crowd as well, there could a joint episode where both geniuses meet and play for the friends. Happy Amadeus and surly Ludwig van.
Beethoven’s years as a youngster would then of course be the real focus of attention, with his mother dying when he’s 16, his father becoming more and more of a deranged alcoholic, and the overpowering burden of being responsible for bringing up his other two siblings. In the course of these rather depressing episodes, Beethoven would then turn from a joyful young wunderkind to the grumpy men with wild hair we know him as today. The show could end in a wonderfully tragic finale with Beethoven losing his hearing, a development which would then be attributed to the beatings he had received from his father when young.
Finally even the young would understand the mystery behind Beethoven’s legendary surliness.
For more ideas on TV shows featuring young geniuses, please use the comments. Oh, and yes, there already is a show about a child-doctor.
Apparently, for some people the phrase “fucking awesome” is just a bit too ambiguous.
Karl Fluch, music critic at the Austrian daily “Der Standard”, may be a nice fellow not least because of his admiration of everyone’s favourite yellow people, but his writings about music are worth shit.
If you want to read his review of Sunday’s Tool concert here in Vienna, it’s here (in German).
The whole review is filled with factual inaccuracies, and while I’m not surprised, with Fluch having a certain history of knowing next to nothing about Tool but still writing about them, I’m a bit disappointed they sent him. After all, there must be at least one critic on their staff who can keep his pretentiousness at bay, at least until he’s done describing the set-list or the number of people who actually did not leave the concert before it was over.
It’s one thing to slag off a band for shoddily produced sound or a boring presentation, but criticising a concert on the basis that the songs are not your typical 3 minute pop-songs is not just stupid, it’s really fucking stupid. Especially when each of the musicians on stage played a flawless set.
In the end I do have the suspicion, that the only reason Fluch is allowed to write about Tool is a bet he made with the rest of the staff that he would mention Henry Rollins in each and every piece about them. No matter whether he’s got anything to say or not.
Here’s a little tutorial on how to be fucking awesome:
* Be a fucking awesome band!
* Play a fucking awesome concert!
* Have a fucking awesome lights and visuals show!
* Play not only new songs but also the classics! The fucking awesome classics, I should add!
* Make sure grown men start weeping at the end of the show, because it was just so fucking awesome!
* Turn usually literate people into ones that can’t think of any other description than “fucking awesome”!
Here’s a link to the photos I took with my cameraphone, because, well, real cameras were just not fucking awesome enough for the venue!
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